I think I give you too much credit.

Because for a while, you were perfect.

And my heart swelled with love.

I felt our relationship was indestructible.

I didn’t realize that it was infested from the inside….by you.


When you started to question your feelings.

I should have walked away then.

But I loved you too much.

And I was stubbornly hopeful that you’d realize the err of your ways.

And it seemed like you did.

You didn’t want to leave.

But was it out of fear?

Fear of being alone?

Because your love only seemed to fade.

You grew distant.


It hurts me so much that I kept holding on to our love,

hoping that like a dying flower,

With a little nurturing it would spring back to life.

But it didn’t, did it?


Because you are a selfish child,

Your view on love is to fill this empty feeling you have inside.

Thinking that external love will help fill that gap where self-love should be.

Getting bored from relationships.

Thinking that the “perfect” person will come along.

That isn’t love.

That is a boy’s ego of wanting more.


I often cry and think, “what did I do?

Why didn’t you love me?

What changed?”

And honestly, I can’t blame myself.

Because I was damn good to you.

I cared for you.

I wanted those things for you,

like being independent, self-sufficient, open-minded.

I showed you these things.

I wanted to grow with you.

But you only grew away.

I gave you everything.

And in the end, I was left feeling empty.

Because I didn’t get the same amount of love back.


And I feel so much…pain, loss.

For waiting and loving a guy who was too blind to love me back.

In the way I loved you.

For you couldn’t love yourself.


So forgive me for cutting you out of my life.

But really….you cut me out of yours.

Two years of memories and bonding you threw away.

I was disposable to you.

I was just an option. An object.

Two years of an illusion which I thought was a reality.


And not wishing to live with the pain,

the hurt, the loss of something I thought was true,

I cut you out.

Like a tumor.

Because that is what you’ve become to me.

I wish you hadn’t.

But that was your choice.

Remember that every action has consequences.

So for letting me go and yet wanting me in your life,

You do not get that privilege.

You cannot break me and yet keep me at arm’s length.

You cannot cause me pain

And expect things to stay the same.

You selfish child.








From everything to nothing.

How drastic a change of heart.

The hurt you have caused

Without care.

Without accountability.

I’d selfishly like to believe that we’d meet again,

But why?

If you could act so coldly towards the woman you said you loved and care about,

It shows that you never really felt those things from the start.

I was disposable to you.

Just like everyone in your life.

You keep them at arms length,

Just for your own comfort.

But not theirs.

People aren’t toys.

You can’t keep them up on a shelf or locked in a box,

Only to get attention when you so desire.



Free Write 1.7.18


Like a wild animal,




Watch me fly.

Soaring higher than I ever could have imagined.

My reach is limitless.


Watch me run.

Roaming and wandering hidden trails,

Each turn is a discovery.


I am not who I am,

Nor who I was.

To assume I am a mystery for you to unravel is foolish.

I am ever changing.

I am not something to be solved,

But someone to be enjoyed.


To enjoy their company,

Their thoughts,

Their perspective,

Their humor,

Their wit,

Their essence.


I am not one to be captured,

To be tamed.

I am a wild woman.

Watch me roar.












A Promise to Myself

I vow I will never let another man try to control me,

To make me feel unworthy,


I radiate my own light,

I will keep it burning bright,

I will not let it get snuffed by some man who doesn’t appreciate the fire within me,

I promise to not let another man use me for his own sexual conquest or desires,

To speak my voice,

To be heard,

I will walk away from anyone who tries to stifle that voice within me.

I am not a puppet.

I am not an object,

I am not a thing to desire,

I am a person.

I am stronger than I give myself credit for,

I will not doubt my judgement,

I am wiser than I believe,

I am a source of love and power.

I am gentle and strong.

I am humble and bold.

I am the light and the dark.

I am complete within myself.






I’m free.

From that poison.

From the mask.

From the actor,

The trickster,

From the illusion of love.

The magic trick you pulled.

Free from the arrogance,

From your entitlement,

From your laziness,

From your anger,

From your judgement,

From your pain,

From your draining energy,

From your selfishness,

From your lies,

I’m finally free.



Q & A

I’ll always keep waiting for an apology I’ll never get.

The questions left unanswered.

So many questions.

All of them, “Why?”


But I will always be waiting for those answers.

And that was one of the reasons why it ended.

You kept delivering false promises.

And I grew tired of the disappointment and lies.


I could keep waiting.

Long after the end.

For those answers.

But you never took the time to figure yourself out,

So those questions I suppose,

Are more for you than me.

But you never will seek them.

Ironic from the know-it-all.

The greatest thing left unknown is yourself.

An Ocean of Emotion

My feelings stir inside my soul,

Like the infinite waters of the ocean,

A thought, a place, a memory,

Can arise my heart to motion.

Anger pulses through my veins,

A dark storm of rage,

Deep inside it is unleashed,

From its boned cage.

Floods of heartache submerge me,

Sadness sweeps across my skin,

A longing of missing you,

Drowns me from within.

I can’t contain these feelings,

These moods they ebb and flow,

Of things left unsettled,

Of answers I’ll never know.

   – M.L.