Q & A

I’ll always keep waiting for an apology I’ll never get.

The questions left unanswered.

So many questions.

All of them, “Why?”

 

But I will always be waiting for those answers.

And that was one of the reasons why it ended.

You kept delivering false promises.

And I grew tired of the disappointment and lies.

 

I could keep waiting.

Long after the end.

For those answers.

But you never took the time to figure yourself out,

So those questions I suppose,

Are more for you than me.

But you never will seek them.

Ironic from the know-it-all.

The greatest thing left unknown is yourself.

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An Ocean of Emotion

My feelings stir inside my soul,

Like the infinite waters of the ocean,

A thought, a place, a memory,

Can arise my heart to motion.

Anger pulses through my veins,

A dark storm of rage,

Deep inside it is unleashed,

From its boned cage.

Floods of heartache submerge me,

Sadness sweeps across my skin,

A longing of missing you,

Drowns me from within.

I can’t contain these feelings,

These moods they ebb and flow,

Of things left unsettled,

Of answers I’ll never know.

   – M.L.

From Lovers to Strangers

Two years of laughter and smiles,

Of exploring new places,

Of talking about our days,

Of fighting and making up,

Of holding hands and cuddling,

Of picking each other up,

Of watching each other grow,

Of struggles and of successes,

Of being there for each other,

Two years of growing to know you….gone.

Now you are no more than a stranger to me.

I’m amazed how you can love and care about someone so deeply,

Only to have them vanish from your life.

It makes you wonder if you ever were really that important….

    -M.L.

When I Realized you didn’t Love me

I wish I could say you loved me.

I know you did.

At some point.

You did all the nice things you were programed to do.

Open the door.

Buy me things.

Asked me about my day.

Things any boyfriend would do.

 

You loved me.

You’d drive 14 hours to see me just for a weekend.

You’d drive over to my house

Just to make me a smoothie

Because I was sick.

You’d send me funny things

While I was bored at work.

And pick me up from the train station

After a long day.

We’d do crosswords together.

And go on river walks.

You’d read and edit my writing.

Because I suck at grammar.

You’d talk about the future,

Our future.

And I never had to question a thing.

 

You loved me.

For a while.

But something changed.

When was that?

Was it when you said you wanted to be in an open relationship?

When you said you questioned if I was the girl for you?

When you stopped texting me sweet nothings?

When you hung out with your friends more than me?

When you put more of an effort into your friendships that your relationship,

going on walks with them, trying new things with them,

Doing all the things I was trying to do with you?

When I told you how this made me feel,

And you did it anyway.

When I asked you to talk to a therapist about us?

You never did.

Or if you did,

You certainly didn’t try.

Or was it when you kept making excuses?

Of not wanting to tour my office?

Or meet my friends?

Or go camping with me?

Or do anything with me?

And I waited.

I fucking waited for you.

I waited a year.

Of long distances.

I waited a summer of internships.

I waited nine months of working opposite schedules.

I waited another summer of school.

I waited for those vacations we used to have.

I waited for those camping trips you said we’d do.

I waited for those restaurants we’d try.

I waited and waited.

Until I couldn’t wait no more.

I couldn’t wait for you to be that guy who I saw in the beginning.

Who tried.

Who cared.

Who loved me.

And now that I’m out of your life,

Now I see you doing the things,

I kept wanting to do with you.

How ironic.

Now that I’m out of your life,

You finally have the time to do those things.

Now that I’m out of your life,

Now I realize that you didn’t love me.

Because if you loved me,

We would still be together.

   -M.L.