I am a very mental person. Okay, not like THAT mental. No straight jackets and padded rooms for me thank you. I am just very logical and analytical. Give me a good crossword or brain teaser to make my brain happy. I love to learn and I absorb knowledge like a sponge. Intellectual conversations give me a mental orgasm. But this post isn’t about my brain. It’s about my heart. For a lot of my life, I was so caught up in my brain and my thoughts. They caused me such anxiety and depression. My perceptions of reality became warped. I let mind control me. Now for a while, my brain was very unhealthy. With cognitive behavioral therapy, my brain healed, and so did my thoughts. But like I said, this isn’t about my brain. Okay, so why do I keep talking about it? While I was healing my brain, I started to focus on my heart as well. My heart is where I rediscovered my interests and passions. Where I found joy and love. Joy and love. These two emotions were something I had not felt for years of my life. If I were to feel these feelings, they would have to be caused my some grand stimuli, such as good grades or something else that I had to work towards in order to feel this. It also needed to be within my control. Like I needed to plan out my happiness. I realize now that my brain’s thinking was prohibiting me from living through my heart. I was amounting these emotions into some logical formula. Work towards something I desire + me controlling the situation = joy and love. But the heart isn’t the brain. You can’t tell it what to do. It is guided by feelings. I had numbed myself to feelings for so long, that once I started following my heart, I was able to reopen my emotions and find what I loved, which in return gave me happiness and joy.
We as humans often get so stuck in our minds. We calculate our decisions based on what is “practical”, what is “safe”. We get jobs we may not be passionate about because they pay well. Or we may pass up that opportunity to talk to that cute guy because our minds fear rejection. We let our minds control us, rather than having a coexistence with our hearts. By following my heart more, I am not having to control my happiness or work towards false joy. I find it everyday by following my heart. Wearing what I feel like wearing, despite the societal pressure of fashion trends. I put on a full blow lip syncing performance in my car even though I know people are probably looking at me at the stop lights. I am living from my heart. It brings me daily happiness and even though I am caught up in my mental ways of thinking (I am a Virgo after all), I will always fall back on my heart.