I have always been one for hope. When I was in high school, I hoped for happiness. I hoped that things would get better, that I wouldn’t feel so depressed all the time, that I would live the life I wanted for myself. It’s great to hope…it is what kept me going most days, but since all I was doing was just “hoping” that my life would be different instead of making changes, I continued to feel sadness. I continued to struggle. I realized that I had to DO something other than just hope that my life would get better. I needed to face my fears. I could of opted for the easy route, to sweep my problems under the rug, worry about them another day or whenever they came up again, but that would not change anything. Facing your fears can be scary, especially for someone with anxiety. Shoot, facing your fears is scary in general! I kept being afraid to fail. I hated that feeling of defeat, the trying and falling down. But you know what,
The one who falls and gets up is so much stronger than the one who never fell.
That quote is a great reminder to myself every time I am scared. Most of the time, my anxiety gets the better of me and the thing I was so scared about wasn’t so scary at all. Other times though, I do fall. Currently I have been struggling with being assertive. I don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings, but I also don’t want to become a doormat and get walked over. I have been learning to find my voice this past year. I still have a way to go, but I have also come a far way from when I started. True, I did stumble a few times, and I felt defeats at points, but I know that crawling back to where I was would ruin all the progress I have made, so with hope and determination, I keep pushing forward, maybe a bit slower since I fell, but I am still going. My fears are getting smaller now that I have been exposing myself to more and more of them. I have also taken lessons from the moments that I have fallen. I learn what not to do, or how to prevent this situation from happening in the future. Just because I slip up every now and again doesn’t mean that it was all for nothing. I learn and grow from these blunders. I take this as an opportunity and not a set back. There are still scary things that I have yet to face, but it’s a process and the important thing is I am trying.
Don’t be afraid to fail. Be afraid not to try.